I feel like life has been a blur these past few months. I have been so delirious and sleep deprived from the acid reflux and colic that I haven't had much time to enjoy a lot of things about my newborn. I love that he is here, I love that we have a little boy. I love that he has come to join our little family. I know he is a sweet little spirit I have been in trusted with, but it has been hard for me this time around. I am finally having to admit to myself I can't do it with a smile all the time. I really really don't mean to have a pitty party or say woe is me, but i just feel like i need to let it out or I will explode one of these days. I know so many people have much bigger problems than I and I feel so ridiculous that I am complaining about it! My poor husband who has been bearing the brunt of it all... I am having a hard time adjusting to just how different it all has been. Is this a normal feeling among most? I hate it when my babies cry and there is nothing I can do to console them...it makes me feel like a bad mom that I can't do anything more than what I have already done. Of course I am writing at a particularly bad moment...
I am glad I have a pretty easy toddler though...that helps a lot with the stress I am feeling now. Someone please tell me it gets better. Haha. Does everyone have those days where they feel like a bad mom? Like you just don't know how to do it right? I don't know if this is what postpartum feels like and I should get on some meds fast or if it is just the lack of sleep that makes it seem harder and depressing sometimes. And it has only been in the last two weeks I have felt like this....so it hasn't even been around the whole time really. Anywho, don't judge or think I am ungrateful (....believe it or not lol), I am. I have so so much to be grateful for....it is just hard to remember that in the stressful moments of life. Sorry y'all.... I just needed to let it out. Someone slap me already and tell me to get happy!!
4 comments:
seriously I blame the sleep whenever I have "those" days...we all have them ( I know I do )
Lydia,
I have a friend whose first baby had reflux and she said it was MISERABLE! After reading your post I talked with her tonight and here is some info that might be helpful.
They started with baby prevacid but it didn't make much of a difference so the Dr. bumped it up to half of an adult dose...by 6 months she needed a full adult dose and by 11 months it was no longer a problem. She said when the dosage of the medicine was right it made a HUGE difference and was so much better. She still talks about how hard those first few months were before they knew what was wrong.
Hang in there. Hopefully the depressed feelings will go away as things get better with Cason and you get more sleep. If not, don't be afraid to talk to your Dr.
We love you and wish I was closer so I could give you a hug and see that new baby!
oh i don't know what to say except that i love you. everyone has those days! i'm so tired and hormonal these days that for me i feel like every day is a bad day even though i know i have a fabulous life. it's just that everything is clouding your head. i know you're doing great. keep up the good work!
Lydia, I can't say "I know what you mean," but I can kinda relate. While neither of my babies had colic, they both had reflux...(and still do but not nearly as bad) I remember having those feelings all the time, and to be honest, I still do. When I don't get much sleep or if it's bad sleep, I am just a grouch, and I haven't had good sleep in 10+ months! I'm sure all mothers with new babies go through this stage b/c it really is hard and only other moms really can understand that.
As far as the reflux goes, we propped the babies beds up at an angle to help their food stay down a little better and we also thickened their milk w/ something called simply thick. They started that in the NICU, and we didn't wean them off of it for several months. Zoey's reflux always made her uncomfortable and she would just scream. Have you tried thickening Cason's milk yet? I think they even have a formula that thickens too, but I don't know how effective it is.
Wow. This is a novel. All that just to say, you're totally normal and it WILL get better. It might not come as soon as you want, but one day it will happen. And until then, just consider yourself awesome for making it through another day.
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