Adrift

Yes, I have been in a sea of emotional ups and downs lately. Lots of bad days and lots of good. Too embarrassed to write about it or tired of the situation or just enjoying the ride wherever it takes s now....Just excuses of how busy I have been and how bad I have been at writing. I have been keeping a little mini journal of our happenings these last few months on microsoft word, so I'll start sending them over here. Some of it right now make a much sense to most of you, but it is mostly for us anywho and you're invited to read about it if ya want =) anywho....Here we go, a little back in time.

Thursday March 20^th Well, after weeks and weeks of what felt like an eternity of waiting for Match day – Match day was finally here. Brett woke up early to go and play racquetball to help pass some time before it would e posted at 10 a.m. He got home at 9, and that last hour felt like forever. He was at his computer 10 mins before just pressing the “refresh” button over and over. I was ready with a plan of action, just in case he would be scrambling, to take the kids off and he could be alone in the house to do whatever scramblers needed to do after they found out. Although, I was certain it wouldn’t come to that, but if it did, I was ready. Well 10 a.m. came and all I heard Bret say was “I’m scrambling” as he was reaching for his phone. I quite calmly rounded up the kiddos out the door, kissed Brett, and told him everything was going to be just fine. He looked sick – but I knew he could get things done and it would be better if he didn’t have a house full of kids screaming and whining in the background while he scrambled in phone calls and e mails to everyone. I was on my way to the YMCA, calling my family to let them know the news. Trying to answer millions of text about “Where are you going!?” and FB post asking the same. I texted a friend to tell her the news, and she said come over. I was so glad for the invitation….I didn’t know what I was going to do at the YMCA and I really didn’t want to go there anyway. We cried, but I only cried for a second – because I knew and I felt like everything was just fine and going to be ok. Staying in Des Moines another year anyway, really wasn’t the worst thing that could happen to us. We like it here. We have a good home and are really well taken care of here. But, I knew how devastated Brett was feeling, and how lost and upset he was at the thought of the last 4 yrs being for nothing. How unthinkable it was to have to do it all over, wait another year out here trying for a spot again next year. And seeing my husband sad makes me want to punch the whole world in the face. You upset my baby- you upset me. Thursday was a long day. I came home with the kiddos around 3. Brett had been doing nothing except sending out e mails and calling people for the last 5 hours, and would continue well into the evening still doing just that. I tried to make the day still as normal as possible even though there was a little sad in the house - Still playing with kids, making dinner, casual conversation, bath times and bedtimes. A TV show before bed…. But I felt so terrible because Brett felt terrible. I however, felt just fine, great even that the Lord was going to take care of us. I wasn’t worried one bit.